Friday, May 30, 2008

Bad Thoughts and Good Thoughts...

Right now I thinking of someone else being held by someone else. I want to rent the movies and sit on the couch. I can't chase this image out of my head. I need a phone call. I need a big hug. I really really need a phone call.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I Don't Wanna Go...

Naming a blog after a cheesy line in a Phil Collins song, now that my friends, is love - to be brave enough to let anyone know that I do know the lines to Phil Collins is sick and twisted...but I don't wanna go.

First, I have not really had a need to blog the past week - nothing really needed to be put on paper, and believe it or not, that's exactly what I did, I wrote on that ancient invention called paper - and used pens - it was difficult at first, I had sore fingers, and my wrist started to ache, but somewhere in the neighborhood of fifteen pages later, I had a letter or more like a chapter to some novel that still has no ending...

But forget the events of the past week - they were great - I felt like I fit and felt like I could and felt like I should. Most of all, I felt.

Tonight is the night before I leave, I am not interested in the television shows, even though Thursday night is the sexy time night on HBO - in fact, I can not think of much of anything but getting on a plane and feeling like I am leaving so many things behind - things that I do not want to lose ever...

I do not want to lose lunch breaks at the Taqueria.

I do not want to lose walks to the fountain Starbucks.

I do not want to lose window shopping at the Jewelry Store.

I do not want to lose long sighs.

I do not want to lose the cubicle on the right.

I do not want to lose sinking feelings.

I do not want to lose three day camping trips.

I do not want to lose flying to Texas.

I do not want to lose confident sneakiness.

I do not want to lose pinky blue skies.

I do not want to lose feeling like I fit.

I do not want to lose early mornings.

I do not want to lose quiet conversations from the backyard.

I do not want to lose text messages and clever emails.

I do not want to lose the pancreas schedule.

I do not want to lose not getting any sleep and working through the day like a zombie.

I do not want to lose cold beers and pull tabs.

I do not want to lose runs along Sunset.

I do not want to lose falling over garbage cans.

I do not want to lose silly hats and green t-shirts.

I do not want to lose chicken alfredo or chicken salad.

I do not want to lose a reason to go to the office.

I do not want to lose a reason to care if I go to the office.

I do not want to lose this feeling.

I do not want to lose yellow sweaters.

I do not want to lose pressed flowers.

I do not want to lose Nancy Drew's Rollercoaster ride.

I do not want to lose feeling young again.

I do not want to lose Norwegian Daisies.

I do not want to lose the next opportunity.

I do not want to lose nervous stolen minutes.

I do not want to lose the elevator.

I do not want to lose sinking feelings.

I do not want to lose rainstorms during runs.

I do not want to lose one man tents.

I do not want to lose shamrock boxers.

I do not want to lose taking a walk on the wild side.

I do not want to lose the opportunity to have homemade polenta.

I do not want to lose Claire's Bean Soup.

I do not want to lose icing and birthday cake and John Deere trucks.

I do not want to lose teeter-totter logs on the Sound.

I do not want to lose tear filled tissues.

I do not want to lose the North Star.

I do not want to lose Conundrum.

These are just a few of the things that are keeping me from wanting to go. I want to meet at the fountain at midnight and I want to read a new blog, and I want to go to Denver and I want to think that everything and everyone will understand and know that it is for the best. That's what I want right now -

I have blogged myself out of breath, I think it is time for a xanax followed by some other tablet from the magic bottle to see if I can forget about losing something that always seems like I never had. (Of course I had the best parts - and some of the worst parts too - but it always goes away too fast) - I don't want to get on that plane tomorrow.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Florida Wilds...

There are beautiful roses out there - but my favorite, and the biggest pain in the ass, are the Florida Wilds - they are hard to care for - in that they grow in an uncoordinated, untameable, asymmetrical way that make them stand out in the beds, but their blooms are simple - no fancy petals, no frilly leaves, just hundreds of little pink and yellow flowers, white stars in the center, and slight, sweet but not overpowering scent of roses...

These flowers are the color of lovers cheeks, and the stars are in their eyes, the petals as soft as a lovers skin. That's why I love Florida Wilds - no heavy amounts of care are needed - you just plant them, prune them (if you want) and then enjoy them - they grow on their own, they don't need your support - they just want you to enjoy them.
Everything in life is really just that simple - sure the petals are going to fall off this rose, and the plant does have an overabundance of thorns, and they do tend to grow into every other rose bush planted on the grounds - but they make the reward worth those things - I don't mind a few thorns to see and smell and touch these flowers - I don't mind it at all.
I have an annoying fear of going this week - I am afraid of the unknown - and that's why I have my Florida Wilds - no matter what I run into, or who I run into, I know that the thorns are worth it - the blooms don't come without a price, and most of the time these days, I have been willing to pay it in full...
Until tomorrow,

Excitement, Excitement, Excitement...

I am getting very excited about my trip this week - twenty four days - that's the longest I have stayed in one place for probably four years - and my wanderlust is peaking - we planned an excursion trip for Memorial Day weekend - three days in the desert, sleeping in the back of a minivan, with music and people and hikes and fun...lions, and tigers, and bears - OH MY....

Thursday is Vancouver or Mt. St. Helens - Friday is Mt. Rainier, Friday night is a long night on the town in Seattle - and then Saturday, Sunday, and Monday - three days, thousands of people, sticky high desert heat, and music - The Cure, REM, Modest Mouse to mention a few - some hard earned days with Aaron, a long wait for live Rythm, and the taste of cold beers followed by some restless hours of tent camping with the masses.

My feelings are jumbled...I am confused by what is going on in my life right now, so I plan based on what I have to finish today, and throw myself into 100% - it is easier that way - to be 100% at home when I am at home, and to be 100% away when I am away - laundry, dishes, yard work, family time, soccer games, breakfast at Starbucks, - 100% -

It may be selfish to think the thoughts that I have - being torn between two choices - one to be by myself, and to visit, the other to be completely together and forsake the wanderlust and stay - it is a strange world that middle aged men build for themselves - we have everything that we need, we want everything that we know is far far away, and we are not sure that the things that we have are the ones we bargained for! I think most men feel this way - they may hide it behind a rouge of church going, god fearing, hard working cover - but I do believe that men in general have a feeling of a bigger, larger world - and those men who do not, or who have lost that desire, are okay with the day to day routines and the normalcy of their existence. Maybe that comes with age, but I have met plenty of travellers who speak the same language I do - that there is something out there, and that they, whether good or bad, are going to be involved with it, going to own that memory as they would a piece of property, going to go...

It is good to be desired and needed - it fills some of the emptiness that we have - it is good to be able to give and not expect anything in return, it is good to be able to support and know that someone or a group of people rely on you for support - but at times, it becomes difficult knowing that this is the decision you have made, and if you morally (I say this in a southern baptist definition or catholic definition) if you are to reap the rewards, then you must forsake the other things - I think single mothers - no matter how tough it is, are single for a reason - they revel in their independence and ability to do it their way - there is a woman for every man and a man for every woman - and a father for every child, as well as a mother for every child, on this earth - and to choose consciously with all of the cards laid flat in front of you, is the greatest decision anyone can make.

I can say I am happy where I am right now. I am in the middle - walking the striped center line of the highway, occassionally dodging really big trucks, stepping over road kill, but enjoying what I am doing for the moment - that's the key I guess, to be able to enjoy where I am for the moment - tougher some times than others - but today, knowing that relaxtion is in the cards for everyone, and that families are together and laughing and celebrating and living - that makes the day better.

Until next time,



Woweee it has been at least four or five days since I actually took the time to sit down, and try and make a post or two - I have had several Oxycodone induced starts and fits (as my wife's supply of painkillers wains, my ability to write inversely increases) - but this morning, I think I can sit down and actually write a few lines about my week, my day, my whatever...

Places to live - I have lived lots of places, Philadelphia, Chicago, Kansas City, St. Louis, Jacksonville, San Diego, Orlando, and I am sure I am missing a few - I was just commenting this morning on how our neighborhood has become a suburban nightmare of kitschy little shops and specialty stores in nicely designed "Walks" (the new word for really fancy strip malls) - and how much I long to move further out from this development back into a three acre spot in the woods - that's very easy for me to say, I travel, so I only spend the weekends here, so isolating my family to the woods would be an unfair thing to do -

Places I have visited - there are many places I have visited -- too many to name, and everyone of them has some sort of special thing about it. I am not too sure of where I would live given the choice, but I think it would have to either be really, really busy (i.e. New York or Los Angeles) or really, really slow (i.e. Green Cove Springs or Wakulla Springs) - one of my favorite things to do in Louisiana when I worked for the railroad was to drive the line - it was Highway 71, which was built on old roadbed from a railroad long since gone away, and the railroad I worked for paralleled the highway. I would drive through the center of these towns and look at the old Antebellum homes, and you know at one time the town doctor, the judge, the hardware store owner, the school teacher all lived in the two story white houses that were hidden behind oak trees and spanish moss and black cast iron fences. Every once in a while I would see a for sale sign, and stop, and wonder if the price was worth it - it's hard to find solace in a planned community - mostly what you find is a short walk to the grocery, people who pretty much look the same, and yards perfectly manicured to reflect the attitude of the homeowner's association. I think you find solace in an old wooden framed house on three or four acres, where you battle the termites and the irish plaster and the weeds and the hornets nests and the old chipping paint, and you create a homestead - maybe one with sunflowers growing under the kitchen windows, and gardenias in the front - one with a wrap around porch - perfectly screened, with old rocking chairs, and a tin water cannister that you fill on hot summer weekend mornings to cool off with after riding the tractor to mow the driveway. I think you find solace in letting the grass grow where it is supposed to, letting the trees cover the view from the highway, and letting the sun warm the spots of the yard where it needs to be warmed. One telephone - preferably in the adults room - that's solace, with a quiet ringer, and the ability to ignore it when it rings - a twenty mile drive to town, but a ten minute drive to the Country Store where you can still buy bread, milk, and beer - and stop in a chat with the lady behind the counter about the war in Iraq or the cost of gas or the upcoming high school football game. Solace is a place where the kids can identify and avoid poisonous snakes, and fish at the little pond in the back corner of the property or can ride the tractor to the end of the driveway to pick up their mail - as soon as the finish feeding the dogs or the cats or the raccoons or whatever else roams around the property. Being able to burn fallen trees and grass clippings on a cold winter night as you sip a drink and stare into the sky that is uninterrupted by the lights of a strip mall or the sound of traffic - just crackles of a fire that you can let burn - and go up into the sleeping porch and just rest - that's solace. Finding a place in the house that is just quiet, and laying there next to your love - and knowing that you are safe, and the kids are safe, and that work is just an email away if you so decide - and you never have to drive to WalMart because you realize that you really don't need new dishes, and you are willing to pay the extra ten dollars per tire for replacements, because the mechanic down the street is just a nice fellow to chat with from time to time, and he always has a piece of Fruit Stripe gum for the kids.

Where can that be found? Who knows - I used to spend a large amount of time in the woods of Virginia, in the Mountains of Pennsylvania, in the hills of North Carolina, in the springs of Florida, in the back roads of Arkansas and Missouri - and all of those states have those slow places - upstate New York - although the winters are miserable cold and isolating, and I imagine in small towns north of Seattle you could find that land, you could find that old pole barn and house, you could make a homestead and a go at it -

In today's day and age, for many of us, it does not matter where we live anymore - I get on a plane every week, and as long as high speed internet or broadband wireless exists, it does not really matter where I am - but people want to cram into their SUV's and their communities and show off the biggest houses and buy the next neat thing that their neighbor may or may not have - me I want a nice stove that uses gas, and a kitchen big enough for five people to sit by the table and laugh as we make biscuits or try and make homemade pasta, a big iron bed with a comfortable mattress, and some nice couches and art work in the common areas - and books, lots of books - ones that I may like, ones that I may hate - but lots of books. Starbucks is nice, but the process of filling the coffee maker with coffee and brewing a pot in the morning is ownership, and sitting in a bathrobe on a Sunday morning with a paper on the porch and waiting for the first cup before you wake up the rest of your family is much more rewarding.

I don't know where to find this place - but I invest time and energy in this place to create those little spaces - gardenias and roses and jasmine, and fencing in the pine trees and planting maples, and keeping comfortable plants on the screened patio, and music - building vestiges of solace and quiet in a suburban neighborhood to just get away -

Insight is difficult sometimes to deal with - but feelings come out when you touch the core of your own personal thoughts - maybe I rambled a bit today - but I can think of nothing more relaxing than being able to ramble a bit as you stare out over the trees and smell the flowers and the heat of a summer morning as you wipe the sweat from your brow, fill your glass with ice water from that silver tin, and sit down on your rocking chair to enjoy the solace...

Until next time...


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Happy Birthday Lila!

Just a quick Happy Birthday to Lila - the one big year mark! Happy Birthday to the beautiful girl, and congrats to her proud mother!

Monday, May 12, 2008

The Pub

Saturday night was a long night - maybe too long, but it was a long night, and should have probably been shorter, but waking up in the shower, intentionally clogging the drain with my fat ass, is not the best place to be. I was, admittedly, going a little stir crazy for caring for my wife, and being at home for ten straight days - that is officially the longest I have been home for over two and a half years - and I have no earthly idea what to do with myself other than keep the laundry done, wash the dishes, and mop the floors. I am keeping up with work, but even that is in a lull right now, and the lack of something to do is the worst place anyone can be.

Mother's Day for us was slow - it was a perfect day for both of us to nurse hangovers and to recover a little bit from Saturday's fun - I called Momo and JayJay and they had about the same kind of day - lay in bed, watch television, and try to keep some white toast in your stomach long enough to gather some nutritional value from it - I did call both Mom's and my sister, and of course wished Christy a happy Mother's Day - I was off the hook this year, due to the intense care giving that has been administered, I did not have to go to the store and buy anything, I just had to make sure the laundry was done, the prescription pills were filled, and the kids were fed and bathed. In all honesty, it is probably easier to just go to the store and get a bath and body gift card, a spa visit, and a card that has some sort of catchy phrase inside of it. It was a good mothers day from my perspective, but hell, I am not a mother, so I guess I should defer that.

Those are pictures of the pub above, it's only about a quarter of a mile from the house, and most of the time, it is a walk or bike ride away, but Saturday we loaded up in the minivan and headed up to the bar. It is filled with characters, most of them I don't know their names, but they are always there, and we always seem to enjoy each other's company - there is P.J., the guy from New Jersey who I swear is in the witness protection program, Dominique, the inventor who is always fun to hang out with, there is Shawna, the bartender (johnny always protects her from Barflies) - and then there are several other folks who all hang out and just have fun. The bar is generally pretty dark, and as far as pubs go, it is a safe place - simply because everyone knows everyone else, and generally no offense is taken when someone gets out of control.

None the less, that's the pub - I think I am going to stay away from the Pub for a little while, there is no reason for me to pummell my soul and feel like shit - I can do that without any Irish help.

Until next time,


Sunday, May 11, 2008

Saturday, May 10, 2008


They won! They finally won! I have never been more proud, than with 3 minutes left, Gabe, on a throw in, charged the goal and scored the game winning goal! The entire team, at the whistle, jumped and screamed and laughed - they finally won - it was amazing.

Being proud is a good thing - I am proud of Gabe for the hard work he showed today - it was 92 degrees, sunny, and the team was two folks short - but they all hung in there - and now, Gabe is exhausted, but very happy and is asking me to give him the play by play on his score as he critiques his own style and footwork, and what he could have done to make it a better, more exciting goal - he is somewhat the father's son - the key point is that he made the goal that won the game, and still he is second guessing the level of success that he has - I, being the father that I am, told him that some goals are ugly, some goals are beautiful, but all goals count on the scoreboard - and his counted immensely, it won the game...

It seems like my phone is broken - usually by this time on Saturday I have at least one or two phone calls, a couple of questions, but today has been eerily silent. I can't say that I like that at all, even a little - I don't like not being able to answer my phone and not have a single call or message...

Well, the rest of the day is going to be eaten up by backyard time, I think I am going to smoke a brisket, which entails a large amount of beer drinking, throwing wood chunks on the fire, and sunburn. I think the kids are wanting to jump on the trampoline together, so I will go act like a chaperone, that is until one of them breaks the others leg, and then I will play really, really stupid.

What I wonderful game today, I wish I could pass on to everyone the pride and excitement Gabe had on his face when he scored - it was amazing to see that look on his face, and if I would have had my picture taken, I am sure that it would have looked almost identical.

Good Game Gabe -

Good morning, good morning, good morning,


Sometimes I don't feel like it...

Good morning. Sometimes I don't feel like blogging - I just don't. So during those times, I surf other blogs. I read other stuff, I smoke cigarrettes and drink coffee. I call people. I play with my kids, I work, I try and get back into shape.

Speaking of which, I really have not felt much like working out lately, and it is really starting to show - I feel like I am carrying around a bowling ball in my mid-section - and man, that son of a bitch is heavy.

I went to my favorite training website today ( and pulled down the Novice half-marathon training program. That's what I am going to do next, a half marathon. My rugby beaten knees, back, and shoulder cringed at the thought of it, but my lungs and heart thanked me in advance.

I know at first, it is going to suck. I don't just mean a little suck - I mean a really big SUCK. I just ran 9.3 miles a month ago, and I would be surprised if I can make it around the block in my current condition - but that's the way it always works for me - bust your ass, reach the pinnacle, rest, and then start over.

Everyone is asleep at my house with the exception of Gray and I - she knows Saturdays and Sundays are not good days to come into Mommy and Daddy's room before there are signs of life in fear of being required to do dishes or fold laundry - so she quietly turns on cartoons in the living room, gets her arts and crafts stuff out, and sneaks into the pop tarts for breakfast. I love it that she and her brother are so independent and strong - a ten year old and a five year old, both of them still children, and still happy - but both of them have a deep sense of self -and know how to accomplish things. I love seeing that.

I think that's another reason I need to run again - my son loves to help me track my progress - he gets proud for me - and I like that in all honesty.

I need an inspiration this morning - I am going to go throw on my ipod, and listen to music for a short while, and then perhaps run up to the gas station to buy more cigarrettes - it's about a three mile run - but hey, I might as well start somewhere!

Good morning, and Happy Saturday.

My reading list for the weekend - Thoreau (Walden or Life in the Woods), and Oh, The Places You Will Go - Dr. Suess


Friday, May 9, 2008

Another Top Ten List -

I have been way too serious lately, and need to break the monotony with one of my infamously glib top ten lists - problem is that I don't really have a topic - I had to go to the doctor tonight, he told me my chest sounds like the chest of a 50 year old smoker, that I need to get over the whatever it is I have, quit smoking, go back to running, and he was surprised that I still had 98% oxygen saturation in my blood - then again, he did say that I should not have let an infection go three weeks without going to see a doctor -

But hell, I hate doctors. They stick their fingers in my ass. They stick needles in my arms. They smell like powdered latex and the onion and garlic sandwich they had for lunch. Their hands are cold, and they never give me a hug after fondling my groin or probing my anus. I think those are enough reasons to hate doctors.

I have been blatently selfish the past couple of months - and been pretty self absorbed. I read through some of my old blogs, and hell, they are all over the place.

Well, I guess the top ten list tonight should ten things to say to your doctor to get their attention....

Here goes -

1. "Doc, I can't seem to get the vacuum cleaner attachment out of my ass. The good thing is that it seems to have gotten lodged hole side up, so it's not really affecting anything."

2. "Oh no doc, I just scrape those skin cancer blemished off with my belt grinder"

3. "Hey doc, do you mind using two fingers?"

4. "Well you see, it's like this, it all started with with this idea I had about hair removal and gasoline."

5. "Doc, would you consider cutting myself with razor blades then bathing in rubbing alcohol sadistic behavior?"

6. "Man, I would fuck the shit out of your nurse."

7. "Have you ever seen a man unit like this doc - I mean this one is a one of a kind - you should see it work."

8. "Government medical programs may actually teach you guys how to charge me more for less - I mean hell I just paid a $15 co-pay to have your assistant tell me to guess my weight, breath deeply, and say ah - what do I get for $30 - a circus clown and topless midget prescribing antibiotics?"

9. "Yeah - but I thought armpit sex was harmless"

10. "Can I get rabies from getting oral from a raccoon - it's a long story, but my Uncle has this toothless racoon that really loves Peanut Butter - he's damn near blind, but he can find peanut butter just about anywhere!"

I know this was a weak attempt at humor - potty humor mostly - but I don't really feel very humorous right now, but it was at least fun to try -


Process and Progress

Friday morning is usually not this way for me, I am usually sleeping a little bit later than normal in a hotel room somewhere, getting up and going to the gym, grabbing some pineapple, and on good days, maybe getting the chance to get a little rythm and music before throwing all of my crap into a suitcase to head home. Those are great Friday mornings - I am not expected in the office, but I usually go, I am not needed at the airport until 11:55 am, but I am usually there too early, and I am going to be catching up on the odds and ends for 5 hours to Atlanta - and be prepared for pretty much a hassle free weekend.

This Friday has been different - I have an internal process about house keeping - and have two children who have internal processes about messing the house up - last night I was read the riot act for not acknoledging how difficult it is to keep up with everything - why acknowledge - in a solid half an hour every morning, the laundry is done, the kitchen is clean, and twice a week you have time to vacuum the floor. It's a process, you start high, you end low - wipe the counters, clean the tables, and then sweep the floors, mop the floors, and finally vacuum - I will admit that it is not the most fun thing in the world to do - but much like work, you show up and you do the shitty stuff just so that you can enjoy the fun stuff. I think we are all entitled to a whine every now and again - but it really does not help the situation.

I did a large amount of research last night on symptoms and signs - and process and progress, and I will be damned if there are not a million voices out there talking to no one in particular about how you are supposed to feel and act -

I have to go - I am excited about taking a shower, putting on big boy work clothes, and driving into the office today - I also have lunch with my Dad - not to mention that it is Friday, and that means there are 11 days left to my NZD excursion, and a relaxing weekend.

Good morning, good morning, good morning.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Take me out to the Ballgame...

My brother and I - we don't see eye to eye anymore, and pretty much never did - he lives in Orlando, really really loves Jesus, and was a pretty mean big brother - but I still love him, even though we only talk at Christmas and Thanksgiving.

Well, in keeping with last night's blog, I think I will keep talking about myself. This way, anyone who may actually be reading this blog, will stop, and will go about their daily lives thinking that I am one vain son of a bitch...


I like to be alone and quiet - given that someone else is there alone and quiet with me. I like to be alone at times, and most of the time, folks can tell by the way I say "Leave me alone please" that it is probably one of those times.

I like camping. I don’t mind being dirty and not showering for two days. I do mind camping and getting very drunk and not having a water source nearby to at least get my tongue off the roof of my mouth. I like camp fires, and dark nights and bedtimes in the woods as soon as the sun goes down. I hate Hilton - that fucker owns me.

I like good graces versus good manners. A thank you is always in order, even from the least trained and groomed - and the thank you can make up for a napkin in a lap, or using a salad fork instead of a dinner fork. A bottle of wine at the door is always a requirement for every visit, and no - don't expect to drink it when we walk in - it is a gift for the host. Open mouth chewing is disgusting, and food is made to taste good - not sound good.

I hate canned mexican food - it is too easy to make the real thing - and bone marrow is good for yard animals - Other disgusting culinary delights: escargot, giblets, chicken livers, graham crackers with powdered sugar icing, box cake mix batter (raw with eggs), egg salad on wheat thins,and steak fat. Southerners have been known to eat ears, feet, and tongue from just about every animal, and I have been known to eat a deviled egg out of the red water jar on the crack store counter. I detest caviar, large oysters, gritty clams, fishy fish, rice mix out of a box or bag, peas and most canned vegetables (excluding green beans which I love). I also detest mayonnaise (elephant jism), sour cream, cream cheese, or anything white that is not vanilla frosting. Now don't get me wrong - if you mix it in with something, that completely changes the nature of the whiteness.

I don’t like stopping when I want to keep going. This is generally never a problem with me, I don't stop until I pass out, have a panic attack, run out of money, or am arrested. I surrender to others when, at long last, I have exhausted my willpower to even deal with a tongue lashing.

I am selfish and egocentric and selfless and self defeating. I over analyze my decisions - and then worry about it.

I love my family.

I drink bottled water, but prefer tap water. The local flavor is important to me, and I sometimes feel a little hoity toity when I walk around with four dollars worth of water. My minivan (chicks dig minivans) takes $77 to fill up - even though just about everywhere it goes is within bike riding distance. I drive my mazda 94 miles a week. I am not politically active, but am politically educated. I vote because I believe in the power of one vote.

I’m lazy. I’m busy, and I am restless when I don't have too much to do.

I like it when other people are lazy because then I can be too - unless they are lazy all day, and then at 11:30 at night, it is time to do laundry, discuss the future of a relationship, and balance the checkbook - there are certain topics and things that can be postponed - and hey, if you want to do something that late at night - just do it, but please, don't wake me up.

I want my kids to be artistic and expressive. I want them to use paper and sharpies - even though it is kind of cute to see Gabe and Gray written all over the wall of the garage.

I lose patience when I’m ready to go and have to wait for someone else, especially if I’m waiting for them to turn off lights and do laundry when I just want to go have fun, or better yet, when they are explaining to the baby sitter the physiological processes that children must go through - and there are nine functions that define life or living, and I just don't have enough time to make sure the baby sitter understands all that. If the children are bleeding, or not breathing, please dial 911, then call my cellular.

I don't care when I show up somewhere - as long as it is within a reasonable window - early always bothers me more than late, but I hate being more than fifteen minutes.

I like warm summer nights outside with a Cape Cod, soft music, and folks who don't want to balance the checkbook or explain how I failed to separate the laundry properly.

I am a VIP Cardholder at Phantom Fireworks and blow shit up every year. My son was two when he lit his first firework.

I follow big trucks on the highway during the rain - they move water off of the road, and keep me from hydroplaning into the old lady parked on the side with her flashers on.

I have issues with murky ocean water - I like to see my feet in the ocean.

Snakes, spiders, dogs, cats, raccoons, and other animals don't scare me - tall buildings - sometimes I get vertigo.

I want to be cremated and then left at the place that does it. My legacy should not be a place to remember me, but remember my actions. It is cheaper to use the animal pound incinerator.

I like the dishes to be done after dinner. I can’t relax until the things are straightened up around the house. Not perfect, just straight. I like cooking to be a clean organized and fun activity - I can't realx if there is flour on the floor, melted cheese stuck the microwave, a dirty pan sitting on the stove top, and grease soaking into the walls.

I usually can't remember where I pee in the middle of the night. I have caught myself in the shower.

Showers serve a purpose - to scrub thine nasty body clean. Occassionally, long showers are acceptable.

I got really bored once and shaved my chest and stomach. The ingrown hairs and itchiness two weeks later proved to me that it was a bad idea.

I love travel - whether for work or for fun.

When on vacation, sex should be anticipated and enjoyed multiple times per day. When at home, it should be a requirement that once or twice per week is okay.

I have never joined the mile high club, but have certainly tried to come up with interesting ways that it could be accomplished.

That's all I have for now -


Cliff - Look Back in Anger

Cliff was supposed to be the peacekeeper between the other two - and he ended up leaving the flat...funny that I played Cliff - it is amazing what a box of memories can drag up as you are trying to straighten things out...

Goofy Kid Photos...

Boy these are fun, and the poem, although twenty years old - I still believe has been a draining day, our first field trip out of the house, unanswered emails, sinking feelings, hide and I decided to look at goofy pictures of my brothers and sisters and I - I will save them the embarrassment, and only post the pictures of me...

Until the 23rd...



Wednesday, May 7, 2008

From my point of view...

My feet are a little dirty, and it is a little dark on the patio, but from my point of view, it is 75 degrees, the humidity is low, and the music is mixing in nicely with the sound of the fountain and the water splashing against the concrete basin.

I loved reading some other blogs tonight, talking with Aaron (who, by way of being probably my only friend in the world is my best friend - no matter how much we strangle each other with our cruel jokes), and then going back and re-rereading some of those blogs...As you can see, the patio is a nice place, I like it out there.

I am not much of a thinker, or a philosopher - I am a simple person who loves to read about other people, who loves to watch other people, and imagine life from their eyes, and almost see what they feel, almost feel what they see...maybe that makes me a sap...but I want to respond to a post that I read, - the blogger is anonymous, but reading about another person is interesting, enticing, wonderful, and voyeuristic in a wierd sort of way. I know there are no questions posted, but thought this was an interesting twenty questions game - you guys can search the blogs - but hell - perhaps each of you should start your own blog, and randomly post answers to questions that were never asked...

I am a control freak, but in a polite way - my rights have been infringed upon enough.

I don't listen well, but it fits perfectly into a world where intelligence is overshadowed, and we have to listen to ignorance - tolerance only goes as far as we can stand it, but sometimes, just listening works too.

Scrambling eggs or baking a turkey - insignificant - the eggs get scrambled, and the turkey gets cooked - it's the process and enjoyment during that matters. And who in their right mind would ever ask anyone how to scramble eggs?

There is no right or wrong way - there is your way and the way others choose to do it - and you are right - fuck em if they don't like my way.

I like lights - I like it bright and open and airy and can worry about global warming when it stops raining half of the year in Seattle, or one of the hurricanes they forecast to destroy Jacksonville actually destroys Jacksonville.

Beds are made to sleep, eat, drink, rest, read, and relax in. Unless I invite company into my bedroom, then if I feel like making it, I will, if not, I will sleep, eat, drink, rest, read, and relax in it.

Television is a distraction that has planted enough shitty ideas in people's mind - I love having a book open on the nightstand during those moments, and turning the TV on as a lullaby.

Afternoons, Mornings, late nights, who cares - scrambled eggs and a newspaper with hot bacon or really good sausage are fine anytime.

For Twenty bucks a month, there are enough coupons to make the newspaper worth reading, even if it is a crappy southern paper. And the recycle bin - well I just bought a rubbermaid bin that was bigger.

I am not a good follower, but I like laughing at silly things and playing off of my company and hurting from the laughter.

My family puts the fun in dysfunctional.

My mother is insane,and Southern Baptist.

My father is insane, and one hell of a tough man who can hug you until the bad things go away. He loves my friends because I love them.

My father's wife is a southern cook,insane,and will hug you until the bad things go away.(in a really insane way)

My six brothers and sisters are mean, selfish and flighty - but they are what I have - and I love them all for the fucked up scenes at holidays

Seven minutes is not worth it - the other two hours, two days, two years, two decades is.

I have a 401K - and have borrowed against it, and will hopefully one day focus on getting rich before I die. Right now, the smart bet is on my life insurance.

I don't take care of staying skinny, fitting into clothes, or looking like a movie star - but Vanilla Swiss Almond is more important.

I have no screaming pustules of death on my stomach, but I do have the early stages of skin cancer on both of my ears.

It is always a complaint from within, but not an issue or a reality.

I always dwell on my body image even though I still eat frozen pizzas and no vegetables.

I like eating whatever it is I'm craving, not whatever is in the freezer, unless of course what is in the freezer is what I am craving. I fill the freezer with just those items that I am craving, just in case.

The time I go to bed is insignificant - I don't like ruining an entire day, but I don't like wasting an entire night - sometimes daytime naps are good, and sometimes, being in bed at 7:30 is good too.

I love going out late and enjoying it to the fullest extent and riding rickshaws, listening to street musicians, drinking too much, spending too much, sleeping too little, and talking with cab drivers about their families.

Sometimes, I don't want to be out late, I want to be home, and cook and clean and do laundry, and just take a hot shower and roam around the yard in my boxer shorts.

I like having friends and family to my home, I want to cook for people and entertain them and I don't want them to leave sometimes - most of the time, my door is always open, and if it is locked, just give me two hours, and I will share a cup of coffee, a smoke, a laugh, and a safe place for them to be when I do unlock it. I just don't want to go to twenty fucking places at holidays - folks know where I live - and the door is open.

I don't want to share anymore. I am selfish and don't want to share anymore. I want my box of candy, tub of popcorn, book, shower, time, rythm, I just think that I want what is mine or what should have been mine. I do want to share experiences - and new, different, unique, unplanned, serendiptous, simple experiences. Sometimes an hour in the grocery is good.

I hate waiting for a decision. From myself - I rationalize not making a decision. Life goes to those who choose, and I need to choose. The construct is clear, the model has been planted, and it's not the first time I have had to choose. I owe no one anything but respect and decency. I am scared of the consequences of most of my decisions - and cowardice is a great motivator to do nothing - but misery is a better motivator to do anything.

Finally, I love Rythm. I do, and I feel that music everywhere - right now, music is what I have, and that's what I love. Sometimes that song or tune or even just a slight whistle in the wind is the rythm that I need. I have been given many gifts, but the greatest one of them all is Rythm. Who knows what I will feel six months from now about the soundtrack from Juno or the Polyphonic Spree or some other song - all I know is that I fell in love with the Rythm itself, and that is worth keeping.

Good morning.

Such simple little words, but it is amazing how much they can change your outlook. I am so used to seeing or hearing or being somewhere that I get a hearty good morning, that this morning has been empty and strange to not get that greeting.

I am a traveller - this week at home has told me that - us 92%'er's have a life that we design because we have need to see and do and be somewhere else, and a sedentary desk life is far from where we need to be. My expectation of this week and the reality of this week have been so diametrically opposed - I have an obligation, I understand that, but it does not make the situation any easier - I am not moving fast enough, I am not in some far away office making a difference, I am not walking down a hallway and getting to the first cubicle on the right, and seeing a friendly smile and a glow and a hearty "Good Morning".

Tomorrow is Thursday morning - and this is officially the longest I have been in Jacksonville since Christmas 2007 - and I am losing my mind!

I do have a briefcase full of things to review, a computer full of files to look at, but still, I am not travelling, and have found it hard not to crave little bottles of shampoo, and fruity soap bars.

Enough whining....

Good Morning - wake up Beautiful Kittenfish. (It's a song damn it)

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

An Odd Reminder...I still want Krispy Kreme.

The Krispy Kreme Allegory....
This is kind of an odd post for me - but I was feeling unusually creative today, and decided that watching my children enjoy the gifts that I bought them at Christmas (as an effort to overcompensate for my lack of family attendance) - I realized that there was a story out there....We all know how wonderful krispy kreme doughnuts are - from the first time you walked into the white and green tiled wonderland, you knew that good things happened there and you knew that those edibles that rolled off of the clearly visible factory line offered good things...very good things. You waited in anticipation to see if your parents were going to let you have the one with the chocolate, or the one with the sprinkles, or the one with the fruit inside - you just knew it was a good thing that you wanted to have. So they obliged and you were afforded the opportunity to enjoy that creation - sweet, warm, and comforting, those little pastries were nothing more than sheer pleasure. Now, as I grow older, I wonder what the right approach was - I know that Krispy Kreme doughnuts should carry a surgeon general's warning, and that as beautiful as they are, each one poses a threat to my pant size and my ability to keep it in check....I guess what I am alluding to is simply this - when you find something wonderful, what is the best part - the desire, or the deed? I think it is a combination of both - without actions, none of us accomplish anything, we just have to be able to deal with the consequences - the doughnuts lead to extra work out time, or less dinner - but to trade that doughnut for a cup of oatmeal is never worth it - no matter how hard the work.In some seemingly short summary, I had the Krispy Kreme, and now, I just wanted another for lunch - and breakfast tomorrow is going to be as excellent as it was the first time I was able to sit down and enjoy that wonderful treat. That's the way life should be - take the risks, just be prepared to do the work to get through the consequences - and enjoy the warm, delicious things that come your way.
Posted by George Bennett at
Thursday, January 10, 2008

Somethings Missing -

I am not quite sure what it is, but for some strange reason, the scent is the same, and the remaining parts are still beautful...

Oh Doubt, and a Girl by my Side...

What a song, what a song. Nothing better than spraying down the patio, washing away chunks of burned ping pong tables and dead hibiscus leaves...

I have a girl by my side every minute of every day, just about every portion of my life right now is consumed by some cold flame, and to extinguish it, well, it just makes no sense and is not what I want to do.

The patio was slippery today. The fake red tiles that I painted over concrete don't absorb the soap, the bubbles just sit on the surface and scurry around in the wind and grow larger from the spray of the hose. I spent a large amount of time out there - that was about the only place I wanted to be, alone, on the patio, with the cool water from the hose, the slick feeling of soap on my feet, and the bright Spring Florida sun beating down on my back. Yet there was still a girl by my side. A reflection of me, a part of me, a piece of me. I think I started a while back to go through my relationships, and I stopped the exercise, because in all reality, I don't like looking back and analyzing those things - they were what they were - I think it is kind of like washing the patio down with soap - all of the yucky stuff and the sticky odds and ends get washed away, and the only thing left is a fresh clean smell and damp concrete for the cats to cool off in the shade.

I am supposed to be in Seattle this week - I cancelled - I am asking myself why - but those answers are obvious - I can't be in Seattle this week. I can't be in Edmonds this week. I can think about the issues, I can enjoy the success, and I can still talk to Edmonds - but I can't be there - it may be out of fear of how I would react, knowing that it is nearing an end, or how others would react with the same knowledge - but like I have said in several other posts, it is simply a fact that I have chosen to ignore at most acquisitions - they all end - but this one, I don't want it to end, I don't.

Honesty is a tough thing when you have so much to lose - I read on the web every day about text messages and emails and blogs and improper communication - but standing back - what, once again, am I losing - nothing - I am gaining - someone else is losing, and therein lies the problem - nobody wants anyone to lose -

I don't feel very good about my decision to not go to Seattle - I feel like I through off one thing for another - cowardice? compassion? control? Maybe a little bit of all of the above - but I can always talk to Edmonds, and there will be other trips to Seattle. Right now though, it is just not what was right - I think.

A demain.


Monday, May 5, 2008

Kissing Fishes...

Sometimes, life is just like kissing a fish - but in this case, I would stand by my daughter, and kiss a fish every day of the week...

This is Stingray City in the Caymans - my daughter was not really sure about the whole "Crocodile Hunter" death situation - nor was I - but it was great. She jumped in, floated over, and helped me hold the stingray, and then eventually petted it just like a puppy.

In many ways, today was like kissing a fish - sure there were good parts to it, but they were all overshadowed by the fact that every thought or action was tempered by a smelly fish. A stinky, smelly, nasty fish that just happens to be in the picture. That fish can change from time to time - sometimes it is a kink in the hose, sometimes, the pump is too strong for the fountain, sometimes the parmesan pork chops come out flaky - not crispy. Sometimes, there is a need for information, and it ends up being way too much information - about the size of a four day old giant grouper. Pucker up and kiss me a fucking fish. Well, I guess without the fish, then there would be no fish sticks, and my daughter loves fish sticks.

Here's to fish, and the fun parts of kissing them.


Sunday, May 4, 2008



Coldplay stole my favorite color by putting together a half way decent song that really makes absolutely no sense, but hell, at least it got yellow out there, and I can now openly claim it as my favorite color without fear of reprisal or backlash from those fans of the other (in my opinion) less important colors...

I saw a beautiful young mother today in a yellow spring sweater - she was kneeling in front of her young son, with a newborn baby (or at least a very tiny baby) in her arms, and talking in her soft motherly voice - "See the beautiful baby, she is sleeping, let's let her sleep for a while"...I could not really see her eyes, or the expression on her face, but that is even better, for a somewhat sappy traveller, sometimes it is best to imagine the smile, or the eye color, or the conversation - besides it makes the blog more interesting.

Now, please don't read this the wrong way - this is not a blog about lust, but the way the yellow sweater made me feel - it was beautiful on this woman, the way the nape of her neck complimented the way the sweater fell on her shoulders, the sterling silver necklace dangling freely and bouncing off of her skin as she smiled with her children. Her brown hair fell just short of the yellow braided cover, and shone in the light, much like her imagined smile does in my mind. It was an odd moment for me to stare, and it erased other thoughts in my mind - being tired, what to buy for dinner, the children's schedules, when I fly out again, my wife's health, and all of those things that fill your brains on a Sunday afternoon. It just took me to a yellow place, a bright, warm place of small children and smiling women, and although I probably will never see this woman in that way again (if ever again) - she gave me everything that I needed today, and an image of yellow that I can keep forever.

Yellow is my favorite color.


Saturday, May 3, 2008


One would think, that being in the Mergers and Acquisitions Bidness, that I should have some insight and fix to partnerships - I had a conversation with a good friend today about that very subject - and why they always tend to end up dissolving into some sort of pissing contest and power struggle where there is generally only one winner, and a shitpot of losers - one can only deal with that for so long - generally, the silver back gorilla gets beat by a younger more impressive suitor, the king of the market gets toppled by innovation, the perfect mate gets pushed aside for a more compassionate and caring life partner...

Why do partnerships fail and why are they so difficult to keep anew? I have no fucking idea! I do know that there are definite changes in folks that, if I were to write down every time I thought of them, would probably make some sense - but I hear all of the time that I need to give specifics, and the funny thing is that I don't remember specifics - I don't waste my time thinking about the stuff that "someone done me wrong" with - I just know that it has happened, and move on - in other words, I put down the knives, pick up the Absolut, and make a fairly happy determination that they can go fuck themselves if they can't understand the punchlines...

So - for the sake of adding brevity to the subject, here goes my newest top ten list - "Partnerships and Why they Fail" -

Top Ten Reasons Partnerships Fail -

1. Money - There are two types of people in this world - Those who spend money, and those who spend more money - this is not an issue of having the money to spend - but an issue of who is doing the spending. What I have found in business and personal life is to just spend until you get a notice from the credit bureaus that says "Sorry, but we must come and repossess your dishes - including the paper ones" - no one can win an argument about money - so fuck it, stop arguing, and start spending!

2. Religion - There are those who believe in the soft fluffy white heaven, and then those who believe that those are delusions of grandeur perpetuated by one's inability to realize that just about everything in our life is terminal - just ask a priest - he will tell you that you will die - and then ask him about heaven - see how clear his answers are after that. My motto - pick a large number of dieties, and spread the risk, besides, your neighbors will get a kick out of you slaughtering a chicken in the backyard during your annual Santaria festivus.

3. Sex - There are two types of people in this world - those who like sex and those who are dead. So don't lie to your self - if your partnership is failing in either business or personal life, try something new like throwing in a monkey or a goat - besides, if you follow my religion rule, you may have to throw in an animal or two just to meet the needs to get to it's respective nirvana. But seriously, sex is actually the only free thing in the world that really feels great - so why the big hub-bub - put out, move on. (Or don't - but just don't fucking complain about the time in between random encounters).

4. Jealousy - Probably more important in business relationships - jealousy creates new and diverse problems. Trust me, I have read an encyclopedia of employment agreements, and could really create a shit storm if I was that much of an ass, and did not value the money that my job provides me to accomplish spending like a hooker at a health clinic (see reason number 1)...But really - who gets what is a big deal - me, I just want to go to sleep without having to talk about rule numbers 1, 2, or 3 - and hopefully getting to partake in rule number 3 without having to worry about the top tens to follow - and in all honesty - who gives a shit what other folks have or are getting - does it really make you feel good if you are the one doing the screwing versus the one getting screwed? Trust me, everyone gets screwed unless you are God, and if you take rule number two seriously, start your own religion, and tell people they must kiss your ass - and that should end the jealousy (unless of course you become jealous of those guys in Colorado and Texas who get 17 wives - which to me sounds like a little bit of hell...)

5. Intelligence - This is a huge problem. I don't know what happens in partnerships, but sometimes, one stares deeply into the eyes of a business partner or a life mate or a friend and wonders where the hell their brain cells escaped to, and what can they do to stop the leaking before they are feeding their dear friend jello from a spork in some mental institution. Another case in point - when you read Cassanova, Steinbeck, and Hemmingway for down time, and your business partner just asked you if you got the special "Scratch and Sniff" version of Penthouse Forum - it's probably not long before you have to dumb down your approach to business (if you have three green m&m's and eat two of them, then you only have one left - in reference to your business line of credit), decide that you can live with such trivial matters as "Beaver Hunt in 3D". or just say fuck it, lock yourself in a closet, and wait until your partner leaves to serve the papers officially dissolving the partnership.

6. Music - This may sound stupid - but have you ever sat next to the guy/gal that insists upon playing "Meatloaf's Greatest Hits" every chance they get - nuff said - fuck that partnership -

7. Activities - Now there is nothing I like better than eating, drinking, running, swimming, gambling, smoking, talking, laughing, etc - but I like them in excess - try making that work with someone who would prefer to do one at a time. This is somewhat related to the intelligence thing - some folks can't handle a large amount of stimulation - and when I bring carrot cake to the office and tell a joke at the same time, I can usually sort out those business associates who can barely handle making it to the men's room before they "make water in their good boy underwear"....

8. Sex - I think I discussed this one before, but being the male that I am, well, hell, it is just that important.

9. Competition - How obvious is this one - competition brings out the best and the worst in folks - now you may compare this to jealousy, and if so, that's fine by me, but think about it - everyone wants their "fair share" and wants the trophy they envisioned - they want to win things the way they anticipated winning - well, sorry to say, you entered into the agreement with preconceived notions, and you pretty much shut your eyes to the reality of the deal - if their is a winner - there is a loser - so take off the boxing gloves, sit down, and just give up on a few battles - even if it means using cheaper toilet paper, watching sex in the city, and having to have dinner with someone who barely can hold a fork without stabbing themselves in the forehead...

10. Time - I can't fix this one - time is the enemy of all things permanent and all things temporary - partnerships just die. They do, and the clock is partially to blame - we all know the short amount of time - either consciously or subconsciously - so be aware of this - two hour meetings mean two hours of time not spent doing something else - so get your ass out of the boardroom, laugh together, enjoy business, enjoy the company, and remember, time is never on your side -

Not as funny, but hell, I did not feel like being too funny - just enough to keep folks reading - tonight is a quiet calm night, the fight is about to start, the drinks are cold, and the ball park franks taste especially good with grey poupon and vermont white cheddar - so, besides the fact that I am sitting in front of my computer (alone), things are good, and I can roll into bed with rythm in my head and visions of green beans with Sunday dinner...

Until I sober up....


Friday, May 2, 2008

Screen Doors and Cassanova...

Well, as promised, I am going back to my normal somber self, and, given that a large piece of me is scattered between here and the other sides of the country, it just goes to show that everyone returns to their core, no matter how strong, how well built, how protected, everyone returns to their nature, and it goes without much reward or gain to attmept to run around your life, so hell, you just go back to what you know, what you feel, and what it is you want...

These nights at home are long - but long in a good way, I see my two beautiful children, curled up on the couch with the television a little too loud, both tired and worn from a day of tickling in the grass, driving to loud music, a few soccer kicks, and a warm dinner - they are the ultimate in love - they are children, and they can see the world through perfectly blue and innocently brown eyes, and just laugh and be tired when the day is done. I hope they never lose that ability - that I guess, brings me to Cassanova, what a wonderful story of love and lust, being told by an old man recounting his pursuits - he may claim that he is recounting to protect the legions of youth that come after him, but he is a victim of much of what we all do - we shake off our nature, and begin to remember what it was we were like, and conform to what it is we think (or others think) we should be - repenting for a life of living when you give up on the living part, and fall into the memory part...and celebrate a life of remembering...I hope that I can stave that off for as long as possible - and continue writing about pursuits that are common and current instead of swearing to recount my exploits and brag about my past wins - I want to win and live now - I want to lose and love now, and seemingly want to avoid the memory part of story telling, and just write the story as it comes...I want my children to live with that goal as well - what is done, is done, and what we do in the next second is what shapes the first second of our lives. Consequences exist, but in all reality, this life is terminal - so why dwell...

Screen doors - I have one of those aluminum screened patios, and in Florida, it is a great thing to have - the six inch dragonflys buzz around it, the butterflies float outside of it, but most importantly the wasps and the mosquitos are trapped outside while you enjoy the breeze of the circular floor fan that dries the sweat on your back and cools the sticky late spring and summer days - the only thing is that there are about 40 holes in the aluminum support that holds the door up - and now there is just nothing left to screw into to - no solid place for a hinge or a chain to pull the door back, just a bunch of holes - the wind at night slams the door - sometimes, I look forward to that sound, the clap of metal on metal, and sometimes it frustrates me enough to take the old empty terra cotta pot that I use for rose fertilizer and wedge it under the door - granted, to avoid the noise and wedge the door open means the raccoons get into the patio and eat the cat food, but - much like the door, I guess just about every plan that we make usually has one or two holes.

I keep that screen door on my list of things to do - it is a little embarrassing when folks come over and see it, but for me, when I sit on the patio, it is what Cassanova seems to have lacked - he filled his holes with memories, and those patches seemed to be the temporary fixes he needed to share - me I don't want memories, I want tomorrows and todays and right nows...and the clanging of the screen door is just enough music for me to know that there is a rythm that I seek...

Until next time,


More Vacation Crap...

Here are some more photos from vacation - not going to post anything but pictures, but next time, it's Cassanova and the screen door - I am sick of the damn screen door...

May Day Mornings...

Two bottles of Merlot, a late night at Rory's, and the impending threat of no housekeeping kept me in bed on Thursday morning a little later than a real working person should have been, but hell, I had a late flight, and no fear of housekeeping barging in on me whilst I finished off the last twenty four minutes of the movie that I rented...

May Day is a funny celebration - people who are here illegally are raising hell about not being able to be here legally, but go through the legal process of permitting their everything else, I say get in line, fill out the forms, and wait for a response - I honestly believe people deserve a fair chance to work - but deflating wages and flooding the market with cheap labor does not do anyone any good - in fact it perpetuates that class struggle that continually widens and deepens the chasms that exist in American communities - the wierd thing is that I don't believe that this is only an American problem, the Middle Eastern countries ship in thousands of Malaysians and Bangladesh to build hotels that they will never be able to afford, the europeans are taking advantage of the huge influx of cheap eastern european labor (and surprisingly enough cheap educated labor that speaks the native tongue) - so for us to be so selfish as to claim it as our own problem is strange - perhaps we should explore what our European counterparts do to combat (if this strong of a term should actually be used) this issue...

Man, that was pretty heavy for George - I tend to try and stay away from politics and religion - those opinions are like buttholes - everybody has one, but typically we don't go around and ask to investigate them - because most of them stink. Pretty picture...

None the less, this was a great long May Day morning that lasted until exactly 10:08 West Coast time - the dogwoods are blooming, and the window was open, so the cool morning breeze tempered the hang over, and made the morning a slow peaceful and wonderful experience...

I have included a couple of photos from our recent vacation - Gabe was great - Gray was great, and most of all, it was relaxing and fun for a week of just replacing blood cells with beer and brain cells with vodka...

Next time, we talk about Cassanova - man, he was really a dirty pervert, but I have to admit, he tops Tucker Max any day....

Until next time,