Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Catcha Man Coming, and Watcha Man Going....

Just browsing through some of the half finished posts that were never meant to be posted...Halloween 2010 I started this one - might as well post it now.

I am not really sure what the link feature in this thing does anymore, nor do I really care, but if you have forty five minutes to kill, maybe you should browse this live show - a good way to waste a little bit of time- but that is besides the point of the blog....

Keep the car running - I am not sure I have ever used this term in polite or impolite conversation, but I am pretty sure that one day, I would like to be in the situation where this comes up - I know that does not sound perfectly responsible for a middle aged balding somewhat overweight single guy - but just imagine the scene - keep the car running...probably taking place at three am in front of a minute mart - and I am just plain out of rolled quarters to pay for that microwave bean burrito, the bag of tortilla chips, and the cheese dip that comes in those aluminum cans that will remove a finger if you are not careful...keep the car running, I am awful hungry, have maxed out my ATM withdrawals for the day, and I need me some of that there cheese dip and a burrito.

Sure, that idea is not the most responsible idea for a guy like me to have, or even to share, but I am guessing that we all have those ideas from time to time - winning the lottery, striking it rich, singing with the band, running with the bulls - not very responsible to think about that stuff when there are billls to pay and bread to butter and algebra problems to solve.  Maybe if I got a second job as a pizza delivery guy, then I could fulfill this fantasy.  But for now, I am going to stick to thinking about those things, and save the running car for dire straights -

You and I....

You and I - Wilco and Feist

It has been quite the year - 2010 will go down as one of those years in my book as one that I did not keep too much track of - water rushed under the proverbial bridge, I paid my toll to the trolls, and did the things that I had to do - I bought a new house as a single (but committed and happily embedded in a positive and uplifting relationship guy), I decorated a Christmas Tree, Baked a Turkey, Shot off Fireworks in a park, spun a few roulette wheels here and there, drove long drives on dark snowy nights, built sandcastles, said goodbye to a few friends, made a few new ones, got some new metal bones, and had a few taken out - yup 2010 was one of those years that I did not take too many deep breaths - I just kept going - and here it is the end of the year - and in reflection, what a good year it was. 
I am out of practice writing anything more than emails, so I beg the pardon of anyone who may stumble upon this one - I need to get back into practice of smoke filled computer rooms and empty Coors Light cans and my iPOD recycling the same album over again - all in some rythmic pattern of the keyboard clanging.  This year, I found it challenging to do much writing - not that I was not inspired, I think I was just overwhelmed.  You have to learn a lot of new stuff or actually not learn it, but just do a lot of new stuff when you get single again, and by the time most of those days are finished, you just don't feel like chronicling that crap too much - I mean I could bore you each with mystical explanations as to why and how I went through the thought process to determine that toilet paper with lotion or smaller containers of milk or dining out decisions work better for me - but that would, unless I actually went through the comedic, yet base, decision making process, was a little too hard to get down on paper.  You see, some people are good at making things up.  I am not very creative, I cannot make things up, I just write about what I happen upon - sometimes it makes for good writing (notice I said writing - reading, well, I appreciate anyone who may actually read this, but like I have said a number of times before, this is cheaper than therapy and more effective than public speaking on a milk crate in the square).

So part of my recovery - yes recovery, I am now officially bionic and have a titanium disc in my neck, was to try and commit to sitting down and putting out a few paragraphs here and there, maybe spend an hour a day doing something I enjoy whilst I sat in a Percocet induced haze.  Needless to say, whilst sitting in a Percocet induced haze, writing does not come that easy.  The focus actually tends to lean towards getting up every now and then, and then going back and laying down somewhere - so writing was a little more difficult - but now, hey, no more induced haze, just good old liver killing Tylenol and apple sauce - so not only is the writing coming more easily....

So back to what I started to say before my self rudely interupted me with some other thought....2010 highlights, low points - a good year - but I have to say that several of the highpoints had to be New York City with my daughter and Cadence, Sasquatch with Gabe and Cadence - and then, for the first time in three years - Thanksgiving with my kids and additions to the family - each one were trips that I think would grant a lifetime of memories - and started filling up the gourd with new good things - and gave us a chance to have the structure of something of a family - now don't get me wrong - I am not looking to replace any existing family, or even find a new family, I have a pretty good one, and aside from a few exceptions, the kids are pretty lucky to have folks over on the other side looking out for them as well, but it was nice to be a real unit - open, honest, and forthright - no dirty little secrets floating around, no Candyland visions of pretty dresses, right and wrong answers, and tiptoe conversations about whosits and whatsits and whensits - I guess just letting the hair down was a good thing - and being able to do that together - all of us together - was a pretty good thing.  I got to see more of my folks, and really, when you go to a family outing and don't feel like you need that second bottle of wine to get through the conversation - and can roll around on the floor and act like a kid without worrying about what the rest of the crowd thinks - that's pretty good too.  Don't get me wrong, if you feel like you need a second bottle of wine for any reason - please partake, just leave the car keys somewhere else (George's PSA for the year) - but if you need it to drown out the grating voices of folks around you and to calm the voices in your head that ask you why you are where you are - hell, there are some bigger decisions that you have to make - not easy ones, but learning how to select toilet paper or use CVS bucks to their utmost potential are also fun and exciting after effects of those decisions.

You and I - now that's the best part of 2010 - My kids and I, Cadence and I, Aaron and I, My folks and I, My Work Friends and I - you know, it is good to know that however close we get sometimes (stealing from Wilco and Feist) it is nice to know that we are still strangers and that there is something new about each of us that we learn everyday - before I just used to think that you could know everything about someone - but alas, the nice thing about knowing someone is the fact that you get to know them better - yup, all of these things are the best parts of 2010 - and for those parts, I have to be thankful, and know that 2011 - we can take it - and make it another one of those good years where regret is limited to choice of style, and the rest of the emotions that come along - well - they are what made 2010 as good as it was.

Until next time -