Wednesday, November 26, 2008


I really started to go through a pretty angry streak about fifteen minutes ago - I mean one of those where your vision hones in on a point and you just see ten feet in front of you - I was making a grocery list - turkey breast, stove top stuffing, instant mashed potatoes, vodka, red wine, solo cups, ice, Advil...and I thought to myself - THIS IS THE FIRST FUCKING THANKSGIVING I HAVE EVER EVER EVER SPENT BY MYSELF. It may come across as a scream - I hope it does, because right now my body is screaming everywhere - it is yelling that my children, my sister, my family all have plans - and I am not a part of them. My son woke up crying this morning, and of course, I calmed him down with the unique rabbit joke, and asked him if he needed me to fart him to sleep tonight, he giggled like a ten year old would, but I know that he too will be back in his mother's arms tonight begging her to please love dad just a little bit more...

I could go into where all of this is coming from, but anyone who reads from start to finish in this blog has a pretty good idea, and could probably use their imagination to fill in the blanks that I am leaving out of how things ended up where they are - hell, it was my doing, but this weekend, yes this weekend, was created by small minded vindictiveness - pure and unadulterated bad - I honestly don't give a shit about the way I feel - it is not that important, I have felt bad before, and will feel bad again, but children....

So, just so I know that I am not losing my mind, I have come up with ten ways that I would like to thank Bob. I know they are horrible, and stupid and insensitive and immature, but at least I can get some of this angst out on paper....

1. Go to target and buy as many pairs of womens underwear as possible, and mail them to his coworkers with the nifty label "Bob I found these in my suitcase" or "Bob trust me, these look better off than on" or "Bob - she might want these back"

2. Start having my friends leave voicemails on the phone number that was emailed like - "Hey, are you the asshole who ruined two kids Thanksgiving" or "Hey Bob, this is George, Happy Thanksgiving" or "This is Dr. Smith, we could not find your wife's number, but she is pregnant, with Twins!"

3. Post an add in the newpaper "Free Hand Jobs with every Plunge" and list his work number.

4. St..

Hell, I am just not that mean. I just can't think of anymore that I could have done to the poor guy except what I have done already. I guess what my Dad always said is true - There is no such thing as a fair fight, and in this case, he brought the gun to a knife fight and pretty much took care of any fight that I had - the eleven hour drive took care of a good portion of some of it, and well, the rest was pretty much handled by my phone call earlier today...

I have the Patron Saint of Families statue sitting on my desk, I think tomorrow, I have lined up my day, with a little bit of his wisdom and help -

1. Golf. The course is closed, but I can walk it by myself for free.
2. Beer. The liquor store is always open on the holidays.
3. Television. I can't wait to see the Parades.
4. Beer. I may have mentioned this.
5. Turkey Sandwich and Stove Top. That's good eating. I am going to position my daughters American Girl dolls and my sons GI Joe dolls around the table, and talk with them.
6. Sleep. I have done a pretty good job of not changing out of my pajamas today, so I guess leaving them on tomorrow will not be all that bad.
7. Fireworks. Usually after a few beers, I like to blow stuff up, and I have some fireworks, so what the hell.
8. Think. That's the hardest part -

All in all, a pretty full day, I want Cakes and Croix and Christy and Bob and Gabe and Gray to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I want them to be full of life and laughter and love and everything that everyone deserves - even the worst people in the world deserve their families on that day - I want them to see the sparkling eyes of the people that helped them build their dreams and realize them, and feel the warm hugs, and hear the laughter around the table as someone tells a funny story about something that happened to them this past year. I want their mouths to water as the turkey makes it to the table, and sweet taste of the wine washes down that ceremonial bird. I want them to be thankful for everything that they have and are going to have and I want the children to go to sleep knowing that Christmas is around the corner, and soon trees will fill the living room, and lights will twinkle, and parties and songs and candy and sweet things...I want them to have that. I want it too...

Sorry for the crappy post - just not feeling all that great right now...

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