Saturday, March 29, 2008

Travellers Camping...

Well, I have been touched by the gods of humor, for some reason I woke up with a string of druel sticking to the blue vinyl seat covers in Atlanta, and have come up with a top ten list -


1. Hang out in the family bathroom - it is quiet in there, and there is actually a lock on the door - and it is relatively clean if you decide you want to escape the blaring piped in happy music that plays all night long.

2. Head to the international terminal and begin tap dancing for change. The foreigners are amazed by the lack of talent most Americans have, and I merely proved the point last night.

3. Walk around with a brown paper sack with a can of coca cola in it, don't walk straight - the security gaurds really like it when you ask them if you can piss in a trash can.

4. Lay down right in front of the lady vacuuming the floor. She can't speak english, and you can't speak her native tongue, so it creates an interesting scenario.

5. Ask the folks opening up the shops at 5:00 am what time they open every five minutes (starting at 4:30 when they get in)

6. Strip down to your boxers in the mens room, take out all of your toiletries, and take a bath with wet paper towels in the sink. I found out that this is not actually public indecency, it is more just really really uncomfortable for everyone around you.

7. Change into your workout clothes and do your best Richard Simmons workout in the gate area - working up a really good sweat and doing a few squats makes everyone sitting next to you on the plane extremely happy.

8. Get into in depth conversations with other tired people who really really want to sleep - granted there are only six other passengers sleeping in the airport, but if you sit close to them, I find they either get up in leave (in that case you follow them) or they look at you with the what the fuck look, and continue the conversation.

9. Read a Hustler magazine out in the open, and if someone looks at you strange, ask them if they caught the article about Steroids in Baseball in last month's edition.

10. My favorite number one thing to do - ask every Delta representative if they have seen your three year old child, and then watch them is funny until they realize that you don't have a three year old.

That's the best I can do right now - but hell, I just spent the last six hours trying to entertain and occupy myself in Atlanta Hartsfield, and trying to avoid this guy who found it necessary to follow me around and discuss the plight of the businessman and his relationship with Jesus.

Gnight all -


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