Friday, February 15, 2008

Pulp Fiction and Disappointment -

With the exception of Catcher in the Rye, I have not read a fiction book for probably five years - I guess Dr. Suess should count, but those are more allegories for children - and I think there was some non-fiction substance to One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish that I used to read to my son. I did read all of the Harry Potter books, just because my son wanted to read them, and it was a good way to get him interested in reading anything that was not printed on the back of a Captain Crunch box, and although they were good books, I just had a hard time reading about make believe stuff, when the cliche, Life is Stranger than fiction really does hold true.

I took a bump last night on my flight, and probably for the first time in several years heard true disappointment from my wife - she was disappointed for me not being there, and nothing else - and that has been a long time since I have heard that. I was disappointed for other reasons - not being able to spend the day on the beach with my son, not being able to do some arts and crafts at Mimi and Da's house with my daughter, but I was not going to sleep in my own bed anyway, so I figured that would be okay. The disappointment was an honest and pure feeling - I was wondering where I am at, why I am there, and what I need to do to make a decision - and I think that true emotion just shoves a stick in the clear water and stirs up all the mud on the bottom. I really have no idea where I am headed, but I seem to like the walk that I am on, and just continue to follow the path.

The disappointment was transformed this morning into joy, the sunrise visted me with its atypical smile and a good stretch followed by sweet kisses of warmth from its rays made things better - it was one of those rare mornings in Edmonds where the sun is actually out, and you are surrounded by mountains and blue skies. Driving back to the airport this morning, Mt. Rainier said it was okay to be confused, it was not hidden behind its usual cloudy gray coat, and it almost told me that I had my decisions to make, but at the same time, it was okay not to make any decisions right now - Mountains don't have to make decisions, they just get worn down over time, and the decisions make themselves, and for now, I will take that comparison and add it to my list of "guides to living vicariously through mountains" - to be premiered in a later post...

I was on the moving walkway this morning - this is somewhat of an oxymoron, I use the moving walkway to quickly get to my gate, but the majority of folks use the moving walkway as an opportunity to call the person that, for some strange reason, they can only call when they are on a moving walkway. The big people (being politically correct) use this opportunity to shove another chili dog down their gullet, and perhaps let their sweaty ass cheeks cool off in the breeze created by the one mile per hour joyride. It makes no sense to me that you would not walk on the moving walkway, or they would call it the moving standing place - but we are a lazy nation that takes the path of least resistance and distracts ourselves with Chili Dogs and beer.

Anyway, there were two gorgeous little girls traveling to West Virginia with their Grandma and Grandpa, and they were sitting on the walkway, excited that they were able to ride three, and ecstatic that this was their first flight. They were both brunettes with deep brown eyes, and were probably 5 and 4, but you could see that they were fascinated with the world that was around them, if not a little bit scared. I am sure that they will feel some disappointment on this trip - they may not get the candy they wanted, they may not get the stuffed animal, or they may get homesick and miss Mom and Dad while they are at Grandma's - and for me, another valuable lesson. I expect that over the course of my travels there will be disappointment, but much like this mornings Sunrise - I am fascinated by the world I live in, and have opened my eyes so much wider in the past several months. Honesty to oneself and to those around them allows you to soak in the honesty of those other things around you - and granted, although there are those things that we keep tucked away - it still makes the world a large amount more than tolerable or bearable, it makes the world a great place to be.

The sun was my lover this morning, and she was a wonderful companion - and for that, I can deal with a little disappointment.

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