Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Instant Grits and finally some humor....

How many times can you sit in some dark corner by yourself as a 92%er and ignore the rest of the folks that fill those pubs and eating establishments - someone should publish a book on the etiquette that you are supposed to follow, but who really cares. Spring comes and goes, and so do those folks that you sit next to on a cold bar stool sipping your chicken soup, and trying to remember why that book that was supposed to save your soul never really worked...

You, as well as I, know that we cannot count snowflakes and that is the beauty of being a 92%er - I really do not know how much longer I can stick out the road - or how long the road will have me - but I do know that sometimes being on the asphalt wonderland and the airport dreamworld is a great thing - I know I have obligations (i.e. I will get to instant grits...just bear with me) and have responsibilities and actually I am supposed to be a stalwart of company policy - but you know what - I am on the road for a reason - I support a family in a great way, and my wanderlust is filled with the faces of naive young travellers who wander and run, and I seek the solace of a clean box and the steady hum of a cheap room air conditioner....

I cannot really capture what I am trying to say tonight. The beer was too cold at the Channel Marker, and the company, well there was none - but one out of two is never bad, and a few beers after a run up a tall hill never got anyone in trouble.

So the instant grits - here we go with some humour - I will try what I can -

Top Ten Things not to do in Seattle when you are from the South:

1. Never ask a Seattle person for "unsweet tea" this creates a foreign look that is somewhere between "I just ate a cat" and "You mean I could be your sister" - they always ask if you want your unsweet tea hot - obviously you should just ask for tea.

2. Running in Seattle presents unique challenges - everyone you encounter on the street (other than those running) has spent way to much time at drinking Tully's Coffee - and so has their dog - just be prepared to kick the dog, and keep running -

3. You can never hide from a bad joke or a heroin addict - I have seen at least 14 Kurt Cobains roaming the streets in Seattle - and the odd thing is that they all are helping Elvis and Ray Charles pump gas.

4. Never throw your shoes out of a moving car - especially when they are still on your feet.

5. Las Vegas may be the land of dreams - but let me tell you, if you want to really feel like things could not get any worse, try running Main Street in Edmonds, and having to play a game I like to call "Dodge the Cane carrying Old Person" and keep your pace and patience...

6. Never scream "Land Ho" on the Kingston Ferry - they do get a little pissed about that part...

7. After ten o'clock in Seattle, there are a huge number of things to do - but they are all in Las Vegas.

8. Beauty comes in small packages on this side of the world - that's why Jack in the Box sells a shitpot of single burgers.

9. It does rain alot - no matter what my previous posts say, I was probably drinking or dodging old folks in Seattle.

10. If you ask someone for instant grits in Seattle - you get a mixture of hominy and oatmeal that really does not do a piece of hot bacon and a runny fried egg justice. They serve this Charles Dickens like gruel that you are supposed to choke down with a glass of tea (hot or cold) and then ask you how your grits were - well frankly, don't suffer this - just tell them the grits are crap, and have a handful of their fresh salmon flavored cranberries.

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