Sunday, January 20, 2008

Preachers, Prostitutes, and Paradox

Those big discussions that come up at the worst hour always seem to motivate me, but last night, the discussion between my wife and I was terribly honest - and I found myself scrolling through channels of garbage on television, trying to find a distraction -

Sunday morning television is the greatest paradox ever witnessed by our modern age - at 2:00 AM you can (within a small flip of the wrist) go from some beer swilling college freshman sorority girl lathering herself in bubbles instantly to a preacher who is actually named after money offering up a green prayer cloth for free, as long as you remember that the gates of heaven are made of gold, and that someone has to pay for that to be communicated....both are soft porn, and in some sadistic way, each group of folks is being taken advantage of, and to some degree, ridiculed.

92% of the time, (much less lately), the airline steward, the guy at the hotel desk, the room service waiter, and numerous other folks who are paid to be happy for me - are my best friends. They are what I see and talk to everyday, and what I come home to most nights. Home is an awkward place - my children are always happy to see me, and I am always happy to see them - but over the past several years, my wife and I have become two different people - what happens to us when we are away? Does some magical fairy come in and allow us to become confident and strong in our personal strengths, but loosen our ties with those that, at one point in time, were our greatest encouragers and loves? I know the droll existence of each is difficult, and that is not what I am asking - or whining about - I am merely posing the question - Does the preacher, the sorority girl, the lonely wife or husband, really know what they are doing - what is the drive?

I am somewhat in the midst of that crisis right now - we are going through the "passion" discussions, and the lack thereof - what do we want for ourselves? Are we being completely honest that it is enjoyable for us - and that we gather strength from one another - or is it just like everything else in our lives - a play date, a business proposal, a merger, a dinner with friends....routines that continue to play over and over again. I can say that I love my wife, what I cannot say is why that love has changed into something almost sterile and politically correct, and feels more like an agreement to support each other in our actions, but stop short of enjoying what life has to offer together - or even pretend to enjoy the same things (with the exception to chocolate chip ice cream and children's activities)

Although my blog has been active lately, it has not been prolific - but the more I look honestly at those 2:00 AM shows, and see what those folks are selling, it makes me ask myself, what bill of goods am I hawking on the street, and what am I buying - right now, I really don't know - but the best thing is that I really have no passion for religion, and drunken sorority girls don't really do it for me either - but there is passion and somewhere between this side of the world, and the other places I visit, I will run into it from time to time.

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