Wednesday, June 18, 2008


I am not good with filters. Oil changes require filters, swimming pools require filters, air conditioners require filters, hell - just about everything us humans sit down and invent requires some sort of filter that we deem makes things more refreshing, more clean, more honest, more open...

The traveller in me says 92% of the time I have to be in a Brave New World (to borrow shamelessly from Huxley) and that I can take a soma, and we can raise beautiful things and make them a part of this bigger picture that will temper them to a simpler, more sophisticated world. I say to hell with that...

To hell with not being able to dance when you need to dance.
To hell with not crying when you really need to just cry and feel that feeling for a few minutes.
To hell with not being able to say that you need to feel someone close to hold and love.
To hell with the people that think you are wierd because you say what is in your head.
To hell with things that pester or confuse you - figure it out.
To hell with simple time, there is no simple time, it is borrowed time.
To hell with accusations and definitions.
To hell with cold showers.
To hell with emptiness, fill it up.

I am in love. More so than I can remember ever being in love in my entire life - perhaps it is the sheer novelty of it all, but I suppose by now, the new car smell would have been worn off that impulse by now - it is simply put, that I feel. I feel the awkwardness of seeing a beautiful woman that I am not allowed to, or able to, or sometimes even willing to, be a part of - what do I feel - without all of those filters -

I feel alive.
I feel wanted.
I feel important.
I feel like I can give without recourse.
I feel sweet kisses are all that it takes.
I feel like coffee in the morning is a good time to walk.
I feel music touches me.
I feel writing a few words lights a fire that is hard to extinguish.
I feel soft green sweaters.
I feel a few minutes at a time when hours are not available.
I feel a loss, a gain, and a love.
I feel confused.
I feel challenged.
I feel open and honest and want to let her know that she is the diamond that I want to hold.
I feel stolen minutes are better than no minutes.
I feel simple gifts like a beer cap heart are better than gold.
I feel that a one person tent was never designed for one person.
I feel that washing hair is a treat.
I feel that wasted time together is much worse than wasted time alone.
I feel that filtering any feeling, any emotion, any pure, deep, warm, tingly thought is a waste of my time- I want her to know that I feel - that I feel her move, and breathe and love - and even though I am thousands of miles of away, that I am better because, for once in a long time - I FEEL.

Those words above are why filters should go away - I don't need to filter my thoughts or actions - I don't need to stifle what flame my somewhat middle-aged frame carries - what I need to do is burn away those filters, run the engine wide open, and make room for those pure, unadulterated, unfiltered feelings - and let her know when and what I am feeling- that is good, that is filtering at it's most perfect sense - always giving the purest thought and feeling, without worrying about it.

So, sorry, your notes were wonderful - and yes, I do speak in sexual innuendo at times - but that is what I was feeling at the time, and I meant every syllable of those words - because (if I have not clearly defined it above) that is what Rythm feels like to me.



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