Bethesda Simple...

There are a few things in life that we all realize are simple...some puzzles that they design for three year olds are simple, sometimes, tying a clip on tie is simple, even getting to the point in a conversation is drastically simple.

Bethesda is a small enclave for rich people inside the beltway, and a community designed for those folks who can afford to forget about the rest of the world. It is full of diplomats, inherited money, some hard working folks who live in the rent controlled area (one block of two bedroom apartments that house the nanny's, housekeepers, and yard workers of the residents), and the rest are just oblivious folks that are not really sure what simple is - except as an outsider, and a traveller, I see simple. Simple gluttony with a touch of pure lust, mix that in with some jealousy, and voila! We have Bethesda...

My night started at a bar that was designed for cheese dicks who compared their golf swings - I mean right straight down to where their Golf Pro (who is kind of like the Oprah of how to stick your ass so that your gut does not get in the way of your arms) and they actually were in a bar swinging their arms with fake clubs and talking about their handicaps - well, try not living in a glass ball that only gets shaken up when they discover that their wives have been fucking the mexican sheetrock guy because they just wanted to be held harder than you hold your golf club...

I am rambling - I dont know why this town disgusts me so much, other than to say that reality is a simple thing. You accept what is, you live with what you have, and why disguise that between fake tits, a huge mortgage, and a husband who is twenty years older than you and totes you around like a cheap purse...my frustration is overwhelming - people are sometimes put off by my honesty - both emotionally and all other ways - but honesty sometimes will get you around those late nights when you look in the mirror and there is no one there to understand - I have to be perfectly honest with myself - granted, if I could afford some of the things that I see in these plastic towns, I would have - sure I would love to have a convertible Mercedes to tool around town in, and I always thought it would be nice to own a Rolex (I hate wearing watches because they remind me of time - and when push comes to shove, that's the only thing I can really lose, is time). I never really thought it that important to have the best clothes, the most expensive girlfriend, the biggest party, or the most free time. These people seem to compete and thrive on these victories amongst themselves - it is an odd world for me. I don't know how to function in this world - I am too honest, too straightforward, and too damn proud to let myself become so numb to my own feelings that I can't see through the bullshit, and touch reality when I need to touch reality...

Speaking of reality, I had a surprise similar to that Christmas morning rush we all had as children. One simple minute of time, or maybe a few more, but they were good. Most of all, I dont quite understand why or what I have done to deserve an ounce of what I have received - I am nothing special, I am fat, lazy, tired, and sometimes just a pill popping freak - and I receive warmth, compassion, and yes, even love, and I still do not understand why - I am not going to shoot myself in the foot, but I still don't understand why she picked me - but she did, and I picked her, and that's where I am - I know what I feel, I don't understand why she feels what she does - but perhaps it goes back to simple honesty...I am, at least, that.

Until next time,

George