Saturday, April 16, 2011
230 something Posts, and Charmin...
I go out tonight onto my Sitemeter, and the damndest things - someone actually pulled up my blog and queried the words "pillow" and "affair" - not in the same search mind you, in separate searches. There was the word affair used twice in all 10,000 or so words, and the word pillow was used six times. Another thing - those damned top secret IP addresses are frustrating. I like to see where you readers are from - and apologize that you may have stumbled upon this ranting by mistake, but hell, if you are going to hide where you are from - at least post a comment! (And not one of those comments that encourages me to invest in Nigeria, or will grow my penis larger - I have tried both and ended up with a small share in a pump factory in Nigeria).
So the blogger thing is really good about telling you how many times you have sat down at the keyboard and actually published and presented anything that might mean anything to you - it is kind of a sadistic reproach for those of us who think that they may be writers hidden somewhere in a normal productive member of society. My typing leaves much to be desired this evening, I have about forty unanswered unpublished posts that I keep re-re-reading, so tonight I decide just to post what comes out - hell, it is worth a small shot of single malt bourbon to make it to 230, it is worth a bottle to even be willing, or even think it is worth it to share two or three years of ones life on a simple and Platonic website such as this.
I am not a good writer. I do several things better than I used to, but writing stays pretty constant. I have read all of the help books and self-publishing guides, and etc etc etc, (I am pretty sure that is a bad thing to do in writing), but at least I am persistent.
So what does this blog help me focus on?
1. Loving my children. I want them to know that I am still and always will be Dad. I am their friend, a shitty guidance counselor, an honest observer, a willing participant in their lives who can and will protect them when he is able.
2. Not using pick up lines to make my point - saying I just got out of Mexican Jail, or telling a woman that her shoes are nice - okay, they work, they are humorous and create a conversation, but you know, I prefer that gold standard of a cup of coffee on the square, and a simple how are you...another blog, another time.
3. Accepting that Life is a box of chocolates - we really never do know what we are going to get - for the time being, I win, I get two beautiful children - a home, friends, and a beautiful companion, but voila, I am one pick away from that piece of shit vanilla cream that some son of a bitch left in the gold leafed box...
4. 235 posts or Thereabouts equates to about 500 pages of unedited speak. That means, if I actually was thinking about doing something productive, I could have written the history of Saint Augustine, some detailed description of some battle, or transcribed the first week of the O.J. Simpson trial. But that requires real work, and this requires a box fan, beer, and a computer.
5. Intellectual banter makes me want to go poop. I read alot. I just went to that bookstore that declared bankruptcy and bought twenty books. My kindle battery dies more than a dildo in a whorehouse. With all that being said, I don't like intellectualism that is not based in good old fashioned Mark Twain sensibility. It is sort of like watching C-Span when our elected officials tell us what we want and how we want to pay for it.
6. Nancy Grace and Anne Coulter are a pain in my ass. This blog prevents me from watching both CNN and the Fox New channel. Both are good things. As soon as they figure how who is preying on those women in New York, there will be some other thing to pay attention to.
7. Coffee. I really like caffeine, and the fact that it comes in coffee. Writing this thing gives me a reason to have an Irish Coffee at two am. It gives me a reason to pour the three or four cups of left over coffee into one cup and heat it up in the microwave.
8. Humor. That's the long and short of all of it. I just finished reading a book about bohemian bourgeouis (if I spelled that wrong, complain to the french). It said that our generation has a problem committing, and is actually a humorous study in today's yuppie class. But the reality is that there are reasons to be skeptical of things - life has turned into a big commercial, and who wants to be the bear that has toilet paper stuck to their ass? It is all pretty funny, no matter how dire it really is.
9. I focus more on money - and the fact that I dont have that much of it. I have enough, but is there such a thing as enough - I liken money to the dipping sauces they give you for McNuggets. They have scientifically proven that two packages of dipping sauce for a ten piece is just enough to cover 8.5 nuggets, and to leave you craving more when you are out. That's money.
10. Relationships. I want to be better about treating people the way I want to be treated. You know, being narcissistic, selfish, and arrogant - well, that is a character flaw unless you have number 9 well under control and can afford to be an ass. I can't - so this thing makes me think with a little more dignity every now and again.
I posted some letters, but didnt link to those, but figured they could cover my March quota - hell this is just an old blog that I needed to edit, and finally got around to it. The only thing that I am focusing on now is that damn bear with the toilet paper stuck to his ass....whatever happened to please don't squeeze the Charmin.
Until next time,