Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Heavily Chlorinated Swimming Pools -

I did not have much to write about this time - a dinner, where the jokes were at my expense, and the bill was not, a boss floating in the swimming pool like a half harpooned whale only being kept afloat by the bubbles in the beer, and a finally some peace and quiet from a house filled with eight bereaving guests -

I meant to post something more serious over the past couple of days - sure my grandmother died, sure I watched her breathe her last breath, and sure, there are better things to do than sit by yourself late at night and sob for the time that you failed to take advantage of - but like my Uncle Chuck said - "Her time on earth is over, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, not remember to love one another and not forget this lesson of loss" - she was a bus driver - a very opinionated, deep woods Southern Baptist, a very strong and stern woman, but she was my school bus driver. When there was never enough food - and it seems like, until my mom remarried that there was never enough food, we always had a hot meal of fried chicken or london broil or beef stew - and we always had a haircut and clean clothes and we always had a place that we could go that was simple - but safe. I always said that I did not agree theologically with my MeMa - and I still believe that - but in retrospect, I always have agreed with her need to fix anyone - I mean anyone, a hot cup of coffee, and tell them that she loved them - she was not one to say I Love You - but when she put that old chipped mug in front of you, and pulled down the loaf of Merita and broke out the butter (she never - I mean never - had anything close to margarine or HeartSmart Fake Butter in her kitchen)you knew that she wanted to just be with you and talk with you, and occassionally, just pour you another hot cup of coffee and have you stay a little while longer until the peace she felt was part of you...She is gone now, Shirley Valine Lundin, buried in an old cemetary that is not as kept as it used to be, full of Florida Fire Ants and tombstones of the oldest folks in Jacksonville - but, I think I inherited two important things from her - my constant inability to keep my mouth shut, and my willingness to fix a hot cup of coffee...I don't know if she can read this from where she is, spirit or otherwise, but I do love my MeMa, and even though I did not always spend the time when I needed to, or always stop by when I was close, I think she knew that I loved her and that she gave me some things that are a little hard to come by without guidance. Enough about that, rest well Grandma...

So here I am, in a much nicer hotel in Kansas City, and they cholrinate the hell out of their swimming pools. I missed a call earlier, I was sleeping, and Jesus H, I hate missing calls. So, what do I do, I swim - and of course, as I swim, and my nostrils are being burned out by the chlorine gas that they seemingly are pumping into the pool, I can see my skin starting to blend into some Michael Jackson twisted issue - my nose did not fall off, but I expect that to happen any minute now...

I don't know why I sat down to blog. Sometimes it just feels okay to write. Sometimes it is good to just type what comes to mind - sort of a Turrets Syndrome of the fingers - I just need to write. Hell, no one can read this damn thing anymore, it is locked, but one day, maybe someone will read it, and the posts will make sense or they will send an email, and say - you know, you are a big fucking idiot. Most of all, it makes sense to me, and it is a comfortable place when you are half tired, half drunk, and completely broke to spend a few minutes of time.

As always, A Demain Mon Ami -


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