Sunday, January 2, 2011

Little Secrets and Great Consequence...

Sorry to dump another Wilco song on here today - but it seems like the appropriate thing to do - have to think this is the best song on the album, and hey, it pretty much sums up what really is important - maybe?  Anyway it gives you something to listen to for a few minutes while you read.
I'll Fight...

So the lyrics to the song are pretty much about the most depressing or most uplifting words you could read - but I guess the best verse sums up that heavy feeling of happiness or sadness or whatever you want to call it....

And if I die
I'll die
I'll die alone like Jesus
On a cross
My faith cannot by tossed
And my life will not be lost
If my love comes across

Walking as exercise is about as masculine as saying that I dress up from time to time in silky clothes just to feel pretty - but seeing how that's about all I can do right now (not dress up in silky clothes to feel pretty - I can do that anytime) for exercise, without having something feeling like it is stepping on my head, that's what I did yesterday - I took the walk down Main Street in Edmonds - if you ever get the chance, make that walk, and you are instantly transported back to small town Americana - stop in at the Tacky Tiki, have a drink, browse through the toy store and art shops, grab a cup of the bean soup at Claire's, stop into Edmonds Bakery and grab a cookie or two, go get a haircut at the barber shop, and finish the day with a cold beer and a couple of bucks worth of pull tabs at the Channel Marker - then walk back up the hill again - and walking back up the hill is much more tolerable if you are:

1.  In really great shape and don't mind the burning sensation.
2. Have done all of things above and feel like walking up a hill.

Anyhow, I, in normal form, digress.  When I start one of the more real posts, it is easier to go back into the other mode of humor versus putting stuff down that bothers me - some scientist probably did a study on birth order, and if you ask me, that's probably the root cause of the majority of my problems...

So yesterday, I was walking and talking on my cellular to an old friend about secrets and ethics and morals and etc etc etc - name them what you want, but about things like lying and not telling the entire truth.  Now being that I am not one who has much of a problem with most folks and their take on the moral versus ethical debate, and nor do I spend much time pondering the difference, I pretty much came to an epiphany yesterday about the crux of little secrets.  If you have spent more than thirty minutes with me, you can tell my emotional intelligence ranks right up there with water balloons and canned sardines - and I know that is something that I probably should work on in a more proactive way - but realistically, I don't have too many secrets left, if any, that are not already out there - sure, there is that confidential stuff that none of us share, we have a responsibility to not share that stuff, but from a purely personal standpoint - what is the best reason for secrets?  I circulate amongst a crowd of pretty in your face folks - and they don't keep too many things close to their chest - because I think the group I am in realizes that nothing good ever came out of those types of things -

None the less, I got pissed off on my walk - not the defensive type of pissed off, but the pissed off where hidden things that most of us keep hemmed up in our brains for years are the things that suck most of the life out us - I gave up on keeping secrets about three years ago - and let it be known, that weight is about the biggest one I dropped off of my shoulders.  So without going any further - I came up with a new top ten lists about secrets:


1.  Never keep your weight a secret.  If you are fat, most people can see it.  You can keep it a secret in front of blind folks with no hands.  If you are skinny, most people can see it.  If you carry a spoon in your purse to induce gagging, seek medical help.  If you carry a spoon and a pint of Ben and Jerry's in your briefcase, right next to the Payday Bar and Oreos, seek medical help.  But don't let the weight of the lie of weight get all that heavy...

2.  Never lie to your kids about anything.  Remember, those precious bundles of joy that are with you now stealing years of your life, and taking away your good sleeping hours are eventually going to be taking care of you.  Unless you want to be spoon fed oatmeal by an orderly who was just released from prison in a somewhat medium price ranged managed care facility, I would make sure to let them know that you are going to Vegas during their Chorus recital or Soccer Game, instead of telling them you are on a business trip.  That way, they will at least be honest with you when you still end up in a middle of the road managed care facility eating oatmeal.

3.  Never lie to your significant other or spouse about their annoying or damaging behavior.  To hell with this protecting feelings thing - so you mean to tell me that it is okay to spend every day of your life together pretending that the fact the house looks like a crap hole or that sex is boring or anything - is an acceptable path to harmony and happiness.  Poppycock I say!  Be open - be honest, just be very careful - before you drop the "I gambled away my paycheck and your mom is a bitch" line, make sure to be close to a corner that will afford ample protection from flying heavy objects.

4.  Don't lie about how much you love your pets.  Pets don't give a shit as long as you feed them.  Odds are your friends don't either.

5.  Don't lie to your Employer when you are having "issues". I really mean this.  Why lie about it?  Odds are, since we spend about 60% of our lucid hours with them, that they know you might have a few minor issues.  Showing up for work half lit, and saying the cold medicine is really affecting me - and doing that three times a week (with the familiar odor of cheap vodka on your breath) is just going to make you an unemployed liar.  Hell, most of the time it is cheaper to fix most folks then retrain new ones - so you might as well enjoy the help.

6.  Don't lie to your parents about how things are going.  They will find out - and usually from someone who found out from someone who knows someone who is a real fuck up.  That way, when the story gets to them, you have transformed into a total desperate basket case, and no number of words can keep them from believing what Bill's friend told Ellen who told Moira and John overheard it and happened to run into Lee at the mall while he was on the phone with your Mom.  You know, most of them want to know what's going on - they may not want to fix it, but they probably will listen for a little while - and believe it or not, sometimes have good advice.

7.  Don't tell someone you love them - when you don't.  I think the latest number is that 60% of marriages end up in divorce these days - some of the happiest people I have met are those that are pretty good about keeping their I love you's limited to the real thing - and that seems to be about the 60% of folks who learned their lesson the first or second time around.  If you love something about a person - that's great - just don't confuse with love for a person - that is sort of like saying "I love everything with whipped cream", and then having to eat the peanut infused cake that you are allergic to.  Real love heals, but the other kind, well start stocking up on Prozac now.

8. Did I mention not lying about things that you may or may not have done?  Trust me, when you memory starts to fade, and the beer kicks in, the truth always comes up, one way or another.  If you did it, and don't want to share it, then don't.  If you didnt do it, then dont say you did.  If you are thoroughly confused, then join the club.  I guess the best thing to do is just keep your mouth shut.

9.  Don't lie about agreeing with 75% of the stuff in the book "Stuff White People Like" - hey, truth be known, I wish I could make a small publication in paperback, follow it up with another paperback, and spend the rest of my time at leisure on Wi-Fi on my Mac in a coffee shop somewhere listening to indie rock...

10.  Don't lie to yourself about anything - remember, the truth serum is what you see in the mirror in the morning - and frankly, that is just about the only person in the world who needs to be able to live with what is staring back at them - go ahead and admit those uncomfortable truths to yourself - you don't have to change them, and most of the time, you cannot - but at least knowing that you are an overbearing, insensitive, somewhat OCD, a little hard to reach individual who could stand to eat less, talk less, drink less, and be thankful a little bit more - sometimes it helps me sleep at night....

That's all I have.  I forgot why I started this post in the first place, but with it being finished, I guess I am better off?

Next time...


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