Sunday, December 6, 2009

Not nearly as Prolific...

This year as I was last year, I let the writing go for a little while, there were three active and aggressive acquisitions, things were hot and heavy on the home front, and sometimes I just ran out of material and desire to do any typing...

That does not mean my brain is wired to think somewhat incorrectly - I just have not had the gumption to sit down and pen anything.  Some folks are pretty good about describing situations that happen to them everyday - there is one blog that I read, the dude actually wrote a four page deal on putting on his running shoes - not the emotional part of putting on his shoes, but describing the intracacies of his New Balance sneakers right down to the label on the tongue of the shoe - I suspect there was a lid of weed involved in that thought process, or he really really liked those shoes.  Me, I am more of an abstract thinker (see photo above - that is me - getting ready to rock the house baby) and besides, it makes it a hell of alot easier when no one is really sure what I am talking about - and can form their own damn opinions about what I put here - you know, if I feed you too many details - then you actually may read and picture - consider my blog an exercise for your brains - or better yet, just consider my writing a way for me to pass the time, you just happened to click on the link - (hey, speaking of clicking on the link - I am now up to $6.88 cents in AdSense revenue - at this rate, I am thinking that I may get that first check by February - of 2012- assuming the world does not end in a catastrophic warp of storms and stuff - shameless plug - I know, if I put content in this damn thing that was actually worth paying for,then perhaps I would be getting paid for it - but consider this my contribution to bad literature - and your inspiration to avoid writing at all costs.  It is much easier to steal ideas off the web anyway....)

But I figured it was time for a top ten what the hell, David Letterman puts one together what,once, twice a week, me I ain't so sharp as to know that much, but at least I try...

Top Ten Life Lessons in 2009:

1.The personality profiles on the web are rigged.  I am not an extroverted asshole, asshole - yes, extroverted - no.  Go ahead and take a few of them, and you too can get emails from people just like you.  For a small fee.

2.  Too much fabric softener=skin irritation.  Too much skin irritation = uncomfortable moments standing in front of crowds of people trying to explain system tools to them.  To many uncomfortable moments standing in front of crowds = a wierd sort of ritualistic dance to ease the irritation.

3.  Milk does separate after three weeks in the fridge.  Not a please separation either.  A science experiment like gaseous odiferous separation.

4.  Soup really is good food.  Soup and xanax, well that's good food too.

5.  Living in an apartment is not all that bad.  Living in an apartment with me as your neighbor is only bad when I am here.

6.  Canadian Bacon really is just small slices of ham.  Salty, small, slices of ham.  I can no longer tell the difference between a ham sandwich and Canadian Bacon sandwich. I can tell the difference between swiss cheese and cheddar cheese, but I cannot tell the difference between Canadian Bacon and Ham.

7.  Coffee is good.  Very good.  I mean the kind of good that gives you goose bumps all over. It is really good with soup and xanax too.

8. I like going to Value Village in Edmonds.  I can wear dead peoples clothes for really cheap.

9.  Expense reports in foreign currency suck.  I am good with spreadsheets (someone actually suggested that I become a fan of Excel on Facebook - and I was oddly drawn to it like a bus accident on the highway, but I resisted) but converting and then figuring out the vig the credit cards charge and then putting it in the system and then, and then, and would be easier to invent an algorithim that explains why paint dries.

10.  It is good to have an attorney in the family.  It is better to have an attorney in the family who has been divorced.  It is even better to have an attorney in the family who has been divorced, and who is free.

I give myself a four on this effort - but between smears of peanut butter on my keyboard (yes, I am eating a granny smith apple with low fat peanut butter - it seems to be the only way I can ingest fruit these days - slather cheese sauce, peanut butter, or meat drippings on it) I was slightly distracted. 

Y'all have a good week. 


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