Friday, July 4, 2008

Independence Day...

I wonder if the revoloutionaries had separation anxiety - do you really think, as we start to celebrate this day of Independence, that they had the ability to wonder what would happen - with England so far away, if they ever had to always be apart, always not be close together, always not be allies -

The last thing I have had on my mind these past couple of days is independence - that's odd for me - I am more (as anyone will tell you) alone with people than I am by myself in moments of simple review of the day or reading a book - don't get me wrong here, I love the company, I love being a cheerleader sometimes, I love making people smile - but that's what I get paid to do - and a part of me wants to do that - but for me, a quiet afternoon, or a great rock concert, or a walk along the sound, or a pancake breakfast with a friend - those are what make what I do worthwhile -

Independence is odd in today's world - there are very few of us who are strong enough to be by ourselves - and that is what makes travelling difficult for me - the past year has been one of new found friendship and exciting time - all of it - even the bad things are tempered by the fact that things are not the same inside of me - I have been able to be independent and still tethered to the ground.

Tomorrow there will be fireworks and celebration and laughing and picnics and families - and really, all I can think about is what is going to happen when I am independent - I am trying not to go down that road - so I will not - but it is hard to keep that dark cloud from dampening all of the reds, greens, whites, and sparkly yellows that I see and feel whenever I think of the past year of my life.

It's funny - I want to celebrate my Independance Day on July 7th - I want to celebrate with my fireworks - my spark, the thing that keeps my eyes lit up like a ten year old running through the yard with sparklers. I want to celebrate with the cool drink and hot sun that warms my skin and quenches my thirst, I want to smile and laugh with Chef Boyardee and Diet Doctor Pepper and cookies and Vanilla Swiss Almond - and celebrate my new found ability to feel again - not just feel dependent on the future or on things to come, but to know that I do have the ability to think and live Independently within myself, and to be able to share and feel that Independence from time to time.

Here's to the brave men and women who continue to give us our independence every day in the line of fire, and here's to all of their families - their sacrifices make it easy for me to feel free - and finally - here's to the Rythm that I hear and feel and see - Fireworks have nothing on that.


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