There are not too many fancy photographs on this blog, I am sitting across from a photograph of happiness right now - she thinks I am working, doing my best to look serious, but in all reality, my mind does nothing more than wander to that vision and dream that I always had - that perfect life of a little space that I could call my own, with loud music, lots of things to play with, and a soft comfortable bed to lay down in - where your skin does not feel so uncomfortable, and things are just right...
I had a conversation with my best friend tonight - and things feel right - he is on the proverbial tilt that all of us feel from time to time, when the mind takes over and the heart takes a back seat to what is right - when thinking becomes what we do - and I think anyone who has read this blog long enough knows that when I think too much, I end up in an alley in Portland, Maine wondering what kind of snowflake is going to freeze to my beard next...
Do you know how good it feels to not go on tilt anymore - it feels pretty good. It feels good to walk into a store and buy a bed and assemble it and hurt your back and know that you are doing it because it is what you wanted to do. It feels good to sit in a hot tub scented of grapefruit, and , although a little gay, know that it soothes your tired back and makes the day worthwhile. It feels good to listen to the music and hear every ounce of the bass drum and the guitar and to just breathe in, and live and know that the sun may not rise tomorrow - but if it does, you are more than happy to be a part of it...
Things get heavy at times, they get really heavy, but in those times when they are just too much, there is always that burst of some life - I am living that dream. I get my fill every fourteen days - it is a struggle to get that, but to hear my daughter tell me she loves me, to see my son do whatever the hell they call it when they do that Karate stuff, and to see my Cadence in the morning with tired eyes - you know, those conference calls and airplane rides and suits and discussions and all of it - they are secondary - and I will move beds all day long to get those devils and demons out of the way.
Anyway, I just wanted to write a little bit. Not much in the way of length (trust me, I have heard this ALOT in my life) but it is alot in the way of waking up in the morning, and knowing, rain or shine, that no matter how things seem, no matter how we think it to be - it is better. I know this, I feel this, and it only takes one "I love you" from an eight year old blonde haired girl, or I miss you Dad from an eleven year old genious (okay - so maybe I exagerate), or the smile of one brown eyed brown haired girl after setting up a new bed to let me know that the devils and demons are there - but they just have to wait for me to deal with them later...
Until next time
George
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