I Don't Wanna Go...

Naming a blog after a cheesy line in a Phil Collins song, now that my friends, is love - to be brave enough to let anyone know that I do know the lines to Phil Collins is sick and twisted...but I don't wanna go.



First, I have not really had a need to blog the past week - nothing really needed to be put on paper, and believe it or not, that's exactly what I did, I wrote on that ancient invention called paper - and used pens - it was difficult at first, I had sore fingers, and my wrist started to ache, but somewhere in the neighborhood of fifteen pages later, I had a letter or more like a chapter to some novel that still has no ending...



But forget the events of the past week - they were great - I felt like I fit and felt like I could and felt like I should. Most of all, I felt.



Tonight is the night before I leave, I am not interested in the television shows, even though Thursday night is the sexy time night on HBO - in fact, I can not think of much of anything but getting on a plane and feeling like I am leaving so many things behind - things that I do not want to lose ever...



I do not want to lose lunch breaks at the Taqueria.

I do not want to lose walks to the fountain Starbucks.

I do not want to lose window shopping at the Jewelry Store.

I do not want to lose long sighs.

I do not want to lose the cubicle on the right.

I do not want to lose sinking feelings.

I do not want to lose three day camping trips.

I do not want to lose flying to Texas.

I do not want to lose confident sneakiness.

I do not want to lose pinky blue skies.

I do not want to lose feeling like I fit.

I do not want to lose early mornings.

I do not want to lose quiet conversations from the backyard.

I do not want to lose text messages and clever emails.

I do not want to lose the pancreas schedule.

I do not want to lose not getting any sleep and working through the day like a zombie.

I do not want to lose cold beers and pull tabs.

I do not want to lose runs along Sunset.

I do not want to lose falling over garbage cans.

I do not want to lose silly hats and green t-shirts.

I do not want to lose chicken alfredo or chicken salad.

I do not want to lose a reason to go to the office.

I do not want to lose a reason to care if I go to the office.

I do not want to lose this feeling.

I do not want to lose yellow sweaters.

I do not want to lose pressed flowers.

I do not want to lose Nancy Drew's Rollercoaster ride.

I do not want to lose feeling young again.

I do not want to lose Norwegian Daisies.

I do not want to lose the next opportunity.

I do not want to lose nervous stolen minutes.

I do not want to lose the elevator.

I do not want to lose sinking feelings.

I do not want to lose rainstorms during runs.

I do not want to lose one man tents.

I do not want to lose shamrock boxers.

I do not want to lose taking a walk on the wild side.

I do not want to lose the opportunity to have homemade polenta.

I do not want to lose Claire's Bean Soup.

I do not want to lose icing and birthday cake and John Deere trucks.

I do not want to lose teeter-totter logs on the Sound.

I do not want to lose tear filled tissues.

I do not want to lose the North Star.

I do not want to lose Conundrum.

These are just a few of the things that are keeping me from wanting to go. I want to meet at the fountain at midnight and I want to read a new blog, and I want to go to Denver and I want to think that everything and everyone will understand and know that it is for the best. That's what I want right now -

I have blogged myself out of breath, I think it is time for a xanax followed by some other tablet from the magic bottle to see if I can forget about losing something that always seems like I never had. (Of course I had the best parts - and some of the worst parts too - but it always goes away too fast) - I don't want to get on that plane tomorrow.